nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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