trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
