I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
