Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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