wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
