sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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