I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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