My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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