So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
