is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
