She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
