is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
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He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
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The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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