My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
