hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
