i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
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Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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