i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
