I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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