mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
