we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
