Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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