Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
