I wish I could punch you in the face.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
