Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
