I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
