do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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