Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
