Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
