Moan for me like Helen Keller
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
