i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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