Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
