Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
