He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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