my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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