My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
