Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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