Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
