I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it glows. i had to have it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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