there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
