I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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