im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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