the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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