Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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