thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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