we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
