I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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