How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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