They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
