all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
