I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
