my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
