I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize