Yo dont text me then not text me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ladies don't puke and tell
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
