We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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