when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
