your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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