Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
FUCK WHALES
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Come on in and take your pants off
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