i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
