Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
