I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
