The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
