went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
