How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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