i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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