i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
