is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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