remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
