# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
