I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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