they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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