Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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