at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
