They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
