Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
