walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
