i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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