We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I intend to get homeless drunk
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
