Just fell off a train. Bad.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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