I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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