My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The adults are the big ones right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
