she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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